The Rapid Rummelpotting

Fru, maak de Dör op!

To celebrate the new year, I found myself is the lovely little town of Flensburg, from whence meine Frauline hails. Flensburg is a small port city, just 3k south of Denmark. Historically it has been in both Denmark and The Reich, until one day a referendum was held and the Volk decided that actually they wanted to part of Germany and not Denmark. 

Despite having the German Naval academy located there, it was spared the ravishes of war, and never was a delivery point for high explosives dropped from high altitude by hundreds of bombers as were so many other German cities in WW2. It was also the location of the Third Reich's last administration after Berlin was occupied by the Red Army, just before unconditional surrender. But enough military history I digress..once again.

Rummelpotting is the practice of learning a song in the local dialectic of Platt Deutsch (flat German), then going house to house, trick or treat style and sining it for the inhabitants. The song of choice this year is below. The song is like: "Women open the door, ship coming from Holland that does not have enough wind, Shipper set the sails up, and give me something in my Rummelpott "

Fru, maak de Dör op!
De Rummelpott will rin.
Daar kümmt een Schipp ut Holland.
Dat hett keen goden Wind.
Schipper, wulltst du wieken!
Bootsmann, wulltst du strieken!
Sett dat Segel op de Topp
un geevt mi wat in’n Rummelpott!

Upon completion of the song, and at times twice inflicted upon the residence, rewards are distributed. For kinder, this is in the form of chocolate and candies. For adults, Schnapps, poured into a glass which is kept on your person and drank in one go, Prost! Then of you go to the next house, Rinse and repeat until done.

What the hell just happened, what are these clothes, and how can I speak flat German now...

Leibkuchen: Test of Manhood

Being in Germany for another Christmas, to contribute to the festive season, I thought it would be a great opportunity to try my hand at the ageless craft of  Leibkuchen houses. Some days later this plan was reveled to the master of the house who approved of the project, on the condition that it was sufficiency complicated, and not some simple 7 year old T house style construction. So as a test on manhood, in the masculine art of baking Gingerbread houses...

First of all I needed a plan. Something sufficiently impressive, but no overly complicated. Not to set myself up to fail, so to speak. A quick browse on teh Interwebs and I came across this:

It was labeled as "Victorian Villa". Well then that does not look too complicated then does it. I mean come on. Sure the roof is a bit tricky, and the bay window as well but... Next we will need candy, and much there of and dough all ready to be crafted into an miniature, edible adobe.

Well that looks more than sufficient. With everything ready I was feeling a bit hesitant and under pressure, like most heads of construction, on there first job must feel. But there was no turning back. ( failure would still mean we can eat all the candies, and the Leibkuken if it is not burnt..)

After some further discussion, it was decided that the original plans were too small for a house to later feed 6 or so. So to keep things simple (of which I am great fan) we just doubled every measurement for our   "Victorian Villa" 2.0.  So we made custom templates, doubled and backed on recycled cardboard.  

With these the plan was to bake the dough in a full sheet and then just as it comes out of the oven, cut the shapes quickly. This seemed to work well, but as expected one had to work fast before the bread becomes too hard. So we then changed out method to cutting it before baking it. Of which I was very concerned as one can stretch the dough and change the final shape, which would spell DOOM for our house and my masculinity. It changed the shape a little, but greatly speed up the process.

A quick, or not so quick check, to ensure all the parts are ready led us to conclude that we had enough left to make some Tannenbaum and fences. 

All and all I think we used about 300% of the dough required to make just the house, but hey its Christmas time. Next comes the crucial assembly. With some portions about 2mm think and it being   "Victorian Villa" 2.0, containing a doubling in height and length, but not in thickness, I had my doubts.... 

...I had underestimated the  power of icing sugar. How much? Lots of. In this shot you can also clearly see the red transparent and edible windows. A gap was left at the rear to mount a candle inside. With the shell complete and drying fast, it was time to decorate. 

I insisted that the first roof be orderly. So that when the folks come home from work at least that part is in order. The rest was pretty much a free for all. While we had followed the instructions to the T, with our intention to put a candle in the middle, we had no holes in the bay window. So we just did not include it. 

So with it finished, we added Christmas trees and a fence around the outside. Being my slightly twisted self I wanted to add a slightly Halloween touch to our otherwise happy home...It was time to add a Witch and small kinder.

..and a close up shot

Wunderbar! Its kind of Hansel and Gretel meets, Christmas. I love it, turned out heaps better that I thought and the best thing is, we can eat all of it! ...with the exception of the people. Challenge completed.

Fin

The Demise of Occupy Hamburg

It started with a bang, and ran straight into one of humanities traditional opponents, General Winter. Allies for the General were the traditional German Christmas Market, and local authorities whom I can only assume, politely informed the Occupiers, that religious consumption would take its traditional place...however they are fighting to the last man and have set up a camouflaged HQ and staging area. See if you can spot it in the photos below. Enjoy and Frohe Wheinachten!

Occupy Hamburg

Its here, The Occupy movement. Outside of a otherwise normal back in central hamburg, die Fußvolk, or peasants, have erected their camp. Armed with my new phone which boasts a camera, better than my old purpose built camera, I approached their camp sneeky sneeky like on a otherwise normal lunch time downtown. I acquired the following images, more to come soon.

Das Deutsche Volk: The Warmest -Coldest People You Will Ever Met

Having a German partner and having lived here for several months now, I thought I would opine on the general character of the people whom populate this land, and some common observations. The following is of course the personal views of a Kiwi living in predominately Hamburg and by no means sums all of the Volk in the most populated nation and economic powerhouse of Europe. No offense is intended what so ever.

I personally often describe Germans as, the warmest, coldest people you will ever met. In that I mean, if you operate within societal norms and do not stray off the rails, be too creative, or step out of ‘one’s place’, they can be wonderful, accommodating, predictable and reliable, hardworking and punctual people. Handshakes, opportunities, meals, beers,  gifts and hugs a plenty will flow in your general direction.  Germans love things to be in order. Perhaps the best example of this illustration of the desire for order is that is evident in both social and professional events which are graced with sayings around process such as:

A)  if you do not have it in your head, you will have to have it in your legs

B)  it is good to trust but better to control

C)  if you do not have any work, then you will make some

D) the women can do it for herself (male readers you can use this one to great effect if timed well)

These saying when combined with a preference to let you know clearly if they do not like something.

are often delivered with some dry humor that can really be quite entertaining.

Order and process are also evident in the following common everyday phrases: alles klar (all is clear), verstanden (understood), alles in ordnung (all is in order). When ones sits to eat, it is polite to say, guten appetite (or good appetite which does not translate well at all) when one sneezes, gesundheit, or good health. Phrases like unmoglich (un or not-possible), komisch (out of the ordinary, strange) and a sarcastic alles klar, to let your peers know that you disprove of the current situation or that people are steeping out of their place.

While all this order can be great. It can also lead to excessive disappointment, when a plan does not work, or someone is late. A lack of spontaneity, creativity and lateral thinking. Repression of initiative or a sprit of make do. An over emphasis on expertise. A stratified and unequal education system and a reasonably evident class structure. I think these are a typical observations of a Kiwi living in North Germany. I am sure Germans think that Kiwis naïve and unorganized etc.

Some other mannerisms to use in less than perfect social situations include: when one is in your way in the street, you stop, expressionless and wait for them to move (eye contact optional) When one in your way in the car you honk, and resort to hand gestures post haste.  In the very few conflicts of interest, that I have seen between Germans, they often seem to quickly result to what I perceive as a borderline aggressive stance, without first trying to resolve things in calmer fashion. Quick to the sword so to speak with no carrot and a lot of stick.

   

Finally some topics to avoid in polite conversation include

–                    former German lands, before both world wars (particularly East Prussia which is in Poland now)

–                    Turkish Germans, and there integration or lack there of.

–                    the Euro currency

–                    the cost of reunification with East Germany

–                    complements on how good their English is

–                    The World Wars

So there we have it. Steer clear of these topics, remember you manners and your German place, get your order on and you too can have a wonderful time.

Learning Illogical Languages

Creative education and problem solving was a dominant theme of my foundation years. I remember living through the shift from cursive writing to printing, having half learned the prior, just to have to relearn basic literacy again (in retrospect I think we did ourselves a favor). I recall the shift from the blanket verbatim copying of spelling words and maths tables, to the shift of sounding it out. Another highlight recall was when we were given some straws, cardboard and pieces of tape and told to make something that would maintain the structural integrity of an egg as is fell of the lofty height of one of our desks. 'Life' really is about solving problems with what you have/know/can acquire/can learn. This is even more so in NZ where we are so far from the rest of the world and with so few people, we have long history of DIY, improvisation, and make do. Generally speaking:

- In the technical world, machines are constantly improved, bigger, better, faster, cheaper, cleaner.
- In the scientific world a theory is open to improvement, refutation, alteration, dismissal.
- In the legal world a law is made, adjusted, redefined, replaced, clarified.
- In languages, its an archaic old pile of illogical exceptions, tradition, and inefficacy, officially moving at a snails pace, limping through bureaucratic reform, and popular knee jerk reactions. That is not to say people have not tried in the past.

The advent of the printing press, unsurprisingly, saw the first real functional standardisation of spelling in Europe in religious texts both official and unofficial. An early attempt to reform English and how it was spoken was proposed by ( another awesome Benjamin) Benjamin  Franklin. One might browse his reforms here.  A well known reform was that of The Simplified Spelling Board of 1906, and its 300 or so reformed words whom passed there recommendations to the then president Roosevelt. He then tried to introduce them without congressional approval. There was much official uproar from rich old white men in who Congress officially rejected the proposal, but much of the reforms were already in place. Go public go, with you 'colored' slaves of the time with separate 'coloured' fountain. An example of there work is here. There was  also a recent spelling reform in Germany in 1996, here. A massively powerful  modern example of American soft power and standardization is the spell check on your American word processor. For example is just changed the second s in my standardisation to a z.

I was of the opinion that language is a tool, nothing less, if it does not serve its purpose adequately, reform or replace it. But how wrong I was. I fell into the not uncommon trap of applying rational to cultural norms.
Language is not a tool, it is culture and culture is an irrational mess of historical forces. If you live in a foreign country where the buses are men, bananas women and computer androgynous, you just have to roll with the punches, get in line, and turn off you rational mind. The illogical reprogramming has begin.

Mein Fahrad

This is my bike sicher und schnell
With a comical horn in the place of a bell

Your lights are kaput front and back
But your gears all function without any slack

I can find you in a crowd with your green bunny
Even if the suits, find you unique and funny

From the Reeperbahn, the Elbe and back to home
You are not really mine, we are together on loan

You came to me from Flensburg from my girlfriends father
Who now has a sweet car to carry himself farther

On the wrong side of the road do we travel and speed
The falschen seiter comments, we pay no heed

For I am an Ausländer, a stranger in this land
Whose many rules I find boring and bland

And if I am stopped, ignorance I will plead

A reasonable tactic, so long as I do not bleed

When you rest, you are secured with a big F&^% off chain

Safe from the losers, the dregs and the lame

With naught but the force of Benjamin's legs power

We blast though the city in under a hour

My little bike is clean and green

The likes of which you have never seen

In my hometown there are many hill

Expect when you need beer, cheap stuff from The Mill

I will get you new lights, back and front

We will fix you up, I will give  it a punt